Beyond Foreboding Joy
23rd Edition - December 2, 2022 - Giving thanks, year-end lists, and cognitive dissonance
Thanksgiving has come and gone. Leftovers are, hopefully, disposed of. The US, it seems, did not run out of turkeys because of avian influenza, at least in our corner of the country. My mother reminded me of this especially since I told her to buy her TWO turkeys earlier than usual as a precaution, when she ultimately could have gotten them at a much better price on sale a couple of weeks later. But don’t worry. Ever a strong self-advocate, she got her money back from the supermarket anyway. Sorry mom.
Meanwhile, as a practice, it’s good for all of us to regularly take stock of our world, the people and things in it, and consider the blessings we’ve experienced beyond just that one special day each year. It’s easy to talk about doing this. It’s more challenging to actually follow through. Admittedly I belong to the club of long-suffering folks who believe that if you speak too loudly about the good things in life, you may as well kiss them goodbye. Happiness is fleeting enough as it is. I don’t need to help it along its way! This superstition, that talking about something positive means the Universe, omnipotent and always listening for any semblance of positivity, will exercise its right to shower misery upon us is, at best, misguided, and, at worst, harmful. Buddhists may teach us that life is suffering (that’s a different newsletter), but that doesn’t mean we must remain in a constant state of heightened awareness for the bad thing that is right around the corner. Brene Brown describes this in her most recent book, Atlas of the Heart, as foreboding joy. She says:
“If you’re afraid to lean into good news, wonderful moments, and joy–if you find yourself waiting for the other shoe to drop–you are not alone. It’s called foreboding joy, and most of us experience it.” (Brown, 2021)
There’s something comforting about knowing that many of us do this. A little sad, yes, but comforting nonetheless. It also tells me that we have work to do, and it starts, like any building of muscle, with small and consistent exercises. So instead of purposefully tripping joy on our way to life’s finish line, let’s be brave together. Let’s clasp arms with joy and drag it right along with us. Let’s write more notes to each other just for the pure happiness of receiving handwritten mail. Let’s call or text our friends and family just to let them know we’re thinking about them. Let’s tell the most important people in our lives exactly why they’re so important. Let’s speak our happiness and excitement out loud, first to ourselves (remember: small steps) and then to people around us. Thanksgiving is done, but giving thanks is still on the menu! Corny? Yep, but that doesn’t make it less true. There’s more and more research coming to light that shows active gratitude (especially writing or speaking about it) has correlation with positive well-being. If that’s true, then we are only hurting ourselves when we keep this gratitude quiet. Don’t keep your gratitude quiet, people!
Here’s my call to action for the month of December: Keep a written list somewhere of the things you are thankful for. Nobody has to see it. It can be just for you. For my part, I’m adding a new section to the newsletter titled, “What I’m Thankful For.” Clever. I also will keep using the website 750 Words to journal at least 750 words daily, and I’ll be sure to dedicate some space to joy and happiness. If you do this, I’d love to hear about your progress. I’m throwing a link to my subscriber chat below, which you can access if you download the Substack app. Check in with me there or leave a comment. Good luck!
Also, I hope you realize that I wrote all of this for myself even though I pretended it’s for you. Like I said, we’ve all got work to do.
Stay hydrated, and take good care!
Tim
What I’m Thankful For:
I am and always will be a sucker for a year-end lists. I like all types of lists, to be honest, and these are like little gifts that open my eyes to so many undiscovered gems that I probably missed throughout the year. Here are a few of my favorite year-end lists:
NPR’s Books We Love book concierge - Unveiled in November/December annually since 2013, I refer back to this tool regularly when my to-be-read pile just isn’t doing it for me.
Polygon’s The best video games of 2022, so far - I’m not embarrassed to admit that I’ve been playing video games since the late 1980s (shoutout to my first 13” black and white tv), and I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon. Whether it’s on my iPhone, my portable Nintendo Switch Lite, one of my best Pandemic purchases), or a normal gaming console, I love immersing myself in an open-world RPG, 2-D scroller, or even a simple puzzler. Bring on the games!
Vulture’s The Best Podcasts of 2022 (So Far) - I love a podcast. You love a podcast. We all love a podcast. And with so many to choose from, I definitely appreciate a list to help direct me.
The Gentleman Stationer’s "Best Pen" Recommendations (2022 Edition) - Look, I like a fountain pen, OK? Some may say I have a bit of a problem. I love the feel of them on high quality paper. I like being able to choose different ink colors based on my mood at the moment. I like stationary. I have way to many notebooks. Whatever. This might be a niche list, but it makes me happy.
What’s your favorite year end list?
Links of the Week
Education:
American Public Media Podcast: Sold a Story - I’m currently making my way through this podcast from Emily Hanford, an investigative reporter American Public Media. The topic of how we teach reading is at the forefront of my mind right now, so this new podcast is very timely. I’m learning and (unlearning) a lot on this journey. A healthy reminder for me (and maybe you, too) is that it’s both acceptable and human for us to be able to change our minds when confronted with new perspectives, especially when those perspectives are backed with research and presented by people smarter than us. We can change our minds. It doesn’t make us “less than” to admit that we needed more information. In fact, I believe that if more people could do just that maybe our society wouldn’t be as fractured as it is right now, and not just about how to teach reading.
Mental Health and Wellness:
Yes! Magazine: What if We Believed Anything Was Possible? - A great article about the regular act of cognitive dissonance that we all engage in as humans and how the act of avoiding anxiety by not acknowledging that dissonance can actually lead to (wait for it) a failure to grow. In some cases it even leads to WORSE behaviors, also known as doubling down. I know. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Read the article for some strategies to start building that self-awareness muscle!
Ten Percent Happier: Unworthiness - I love to use the phrase, “the story I am telling myself” which comes from my many deep dives into the written work of Dr. Brene Brown. It helps me communicate both to myself and others not only what I’m thinking but also why I might be reacting to something in a certain way. This blog post from Ten Percent Happier, and their app I subscribe to focused on mindfulness and meditation, helped me to reframe how to approach the conversations I have around my own self-perception of unworthiness. The act of noticing the stories we are telling ourselves is powerful and eye-opening. There is always work to be done!
Looking for more ways to discover interesting writing on the Internet?
Check out “The Sample”: One of my favorite free newsletter discovery tools is called The Sample. I subscribed when I starting writing this newsletter months ago, and I’ve come across some interesting destinations since then. Based on interests and feedback, The Sample sends a new newsletter recommendation to your inbox on a daily or weekly basis. For too long my personal email has been a dumping ground for advertising spam and bill notifications. The Sample is one way I’m reclaiming some fun through email. Check it out and make your inbox more interesting, too!
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